Happy Birthday, Severus
by shadowycat
Summary: Severus Snape tries to find a way around the annual birthday celebration planned by his Headmaster.


Disclaimer: None of the characters here belong to me, they're all the property of J. K. Rowling. No monetary gain is sought. I'm only in it for the amusement.

**Happy Birthday, Severus**

By shadowycat

Happy Birthday, Severus," Flitwick squeaked with satisfaction as he looked up at the younger man.

"Excuse me?" replied Snape with a blank expression on his face.

Flitwick frowned in concern. "It's your birthday, isn't it? I was so sure…it's written on my calendar…"

Snape shook his head. "Your calendar needs to be updated then. My birthday isn't until next month."

"Really? Are you sure?" asked the confused wizard. It just wasn't like him to make mistakes about something like this.

Snape raised an eyebrow and directed a withering look at his diminutive colleague. "Do you really think that I don't know when my own birthday is?" His voice was decidedly chilly.

"Oh…of course, you would know…I never meant to imply…I'm so sorry," dithered Flitwick, who was desperately sorry by now that he'd ever opened his mouth.

Snape smirked faintly and gave a stiff nod of his head.

"Quite all right, Flitwick. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally...even Ravenclaws."

He stalked off down the hall with Flitwick frowning after him, suddenly glad that he hadn't paid very much for that present he'd bought.

The Potions master hadn't gone far when he was halted by a sharp and horrendously shrill voice. Closing his eyes for a moment, he gritted his teeth and then turned around to face Sibyll Trelawney.

"Happy birthday, dear Severus," she chirped as she approached him with arms outspread.

Quickly, he folded his own arms took a step backward and aimed his most intimidating scowl her way.

"My birthday was last month, Sibyll, don't you remember?"

The suddenly confused witch stopped dead in her tracks with her arms stretched wide and a curiously blank expression on her face.

"What?"

"Don't tell me _you_ don't remember?" Snape's voice was frankly skeptical.

"Uh…" Sibyll began to frantically search her memory.

"Albus insisted on celebrating. Cake…streamers…stupid hats…puerile games and favors. You were the life of the party, dancing around with a huge red hat on your head and a silly smile on your face. Surely you haven't forgotten…" He raised that useful eyebrow once more and fixed the confused witch with an accusatory stare.

Her face flushed blotchily, and she hurriedly shook her head, rattling her impressive collection of beads. "Oh, no…of course, I haven't forgotten. Was that only last month? It seems like it's been so much longer. A year, in fact."

"Not to me," Snape stated dryly.

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Albus Dumbledore bustled happily down the hall. So much to do, so little time, but at the end of the day would be fun, merriment, and chocolate cake. He smiled to himself. He did so love staff birthday gatherings…especially Severus'. The boy needed more fun and merriment in his life. Yes, he always pretended that he didn't enjoy their little celebrations, but it was simply an act surely. Who wouldn't love to have their birthday remembered with presents and cake and party hats, after all?

Flitwick came around a nearby corner and headed up the hall towards the Headmaster.

"Filius! Just the man I wanted to see. Did you get all the balloons blown up for the party?" asked Albus. "I found the best hats this year…"

Flitwick directed a pitying look at the Headmaster. "Oh, no, Headmaster. I told the House Elves to hold off on the cake and put the balloons and hats away for now. Severus' birthday isn't until next month."

Dumbledore stopped and frowned in confusion. "It isn't? I was sure that…"

Flitwick shook his head firmly. "No, no…it's definitely next month. I never make mistakes about things like that. It's all written on my calendar."

"Oh, what a shame. I was so looking forward to a little celebration," said the disappointed man.

Flitwick smiled in understanding. "I know, Headmaster, but it's only a month away. If we start planning now, it will be here before you know it." Then with a wave he bustled off up the hall and around the corner whistling as he went.

Dumbledore frowned after him for a moment and then turned to leave just as Sibyll Trelawney rattled his way in a cloud of perfume.

"Oh, Sibyll," he called. "You're always up on what's going on around here. Isn't it Severus' birthday today? I was so sure…"

Sibyll laughed a musical laugh. "Oh, no, Headmaster. That was last month. Don't you remember? The party was marvelous. You wore a huge gold and blue fedora, and we danced for simply ages."

Dumbledore blinked. "We did?"

Sibyll continued to laugh gaily as she floated off up the corridor. "Oh, you're such a kidder, Headmaster. You were the life of the party."

He watched her go with a bemused smile on his face. "Well, I'm certainly glad to hear I had such a good time," he murmured to himself as he walked slowly off down the hall. "Now, if I could just remember it…"

Snape smirked to himself as he listened from a deep alcove. That should take care of that. Why hadn't he thought of this years ago? Finally, he could celebrate his birthday the way he wanted to.

With a darkly satisfied smile, he headed off down the stairs to his rooms. When he opened the door and slipped inside, he found Minerva waiting in a chair by the fire as he'd asked her to.

She looked up at his entrance with a curious smile on her face and got to her feet. "Well, there you are. I've been waiting as you asked. Isn't it about time to head off to the staff room? I'm sure that Albus was planning a party for you."

With a knowing smirk, Snape slipped off his robe and hung it on a nearby hook then he casually locked the door behind him and approached the woman in front of the hearth.

"The party is off," he stated with satisfaction as he slipped his arms around her waist and drew her closer.

"Off?" she exclaimed in amazement. "How on earth did you manage that?"

He shrugged and bent to nuzzle her neck. "Does it really matter? I seem to recall that you promised me a present to unwrap…and now that we won't be interrupted, I think I'd like to get started." His fingers began to fumble with the buttons at the neck of her gown.

"I meant your other present," she murmured softly, with a vague wave towards his mantle where a gaily wrapped package stood.

"First things first…"

Just then there was a firm knock on the door.

Snape jerked his head up and turned to glare at the door. What now? Couldn't a man enjoy unwrapping his gift in peace?

Minerva rebuttoned her neckline and nodded towards the door. "You'd better open it. We wouldn't want to be interrupted later…"

Snape shot an annoyed glare her way for a moment then gave in with ill grace. "Oh, all right. It had better not take long, though." Grumbling discontentedly, he whirled around and stomped over to the door, which he unlocked and flung open forcefully.

Before he could get so much as one unkind word out of his mouth, the entire staff trouped by him led by a smiling Rolanda Hooch, who was carrying a massive birthday cake.

"There you are, Severus! For some reason, the staff seemed confused about whether or not today was your birthday, but I set them straight. Wouldn't want to miss a good party now, would we?" She elbowed him in the ribs rather hard and continued on into the room.

"Hello, Minerva. Trust you to get things right." She grinned at the Deputy Headmistress and winked. Minerva smiled back non-committally.

Flitwick smiled up at Snape as he passed. "You really had me going there for a moment, Severus. I never realized what a droll sense of humor you had. Such a kidder."

Snape smiled a strained smile in return, but before he could reply, he found himself engulfed in a pair of grasping arms and smothered in a cloud of scent.

"You naughty, boy! You thought you could fool us, didn't you? But you must realize by now that my inner eye will always discover the truth sooner or later." Peels of girlish laughter echoed too loudly in his ear as Sibyll gave him another tight squeeze and a thankfully, poorly aimed kiss.

"I really must poke a stick in that eye one of these days," muttered Snape under his breath as Sibyll wafted off into the room.

Suddenly, a rather large hat was jammed down onto his head without warning. When he pushed it up enough to see out from under the spangled brim, he found the Headmaster smiling happily at him with a large pile of garish hats in his arms.

"Nice try, my boy…E for effort, but the jig is up for this year. You might as well simply accept it and have a good time. It's your birthday, after all. Surely you want to celebrate."

"I think I might define the word celebrate a bit differently than you do, Albus," Snape grumbled.

"Nonsense," exclaimed Dumbledore. "What could be more enjoyable than a festive party with all of your closest companions?"

Before Snape could frame a suitable answer, he found his arms seized firmly, and he was dragged across the room and forced down onto his sofa with a pile of brightly wrapped presents stacked in front of him. A rather dubious looking drink with a cooing paper bird on the rim of the glass was pushed into his hand, and all his unwanted guests raised similar glasses and beamed at him.

"Happy birthday, Severus!" they all exclaimed.

Snape sighed and downed the drink, bowing to the inevitable. Well, there was always next year…


End file.
